Am I a mom-hole? Raising up tough-minded kids.

I am so curious your thoughts on this post; mainly, if you think I'm an asshole after reading it.

I heard a quote once that literally changed my perspective on fear and parenting. More specifically, the fear of the obstacles my children will face, the fear of poor decision-making which could somehow lead my kids down the wrong path in life. What can I do to set them up for the greatest opportunity to succeed? I asked myself.  Put them in the right schools? What is the "right" school anyway? How can I make sure every single friend of their's is a good influence? I mean it's exhausting. And OBVIOUSLY, I can really control none of these things.

Then I heard this:

"You can't prepare the journey for the child, you must prepare the child for the journey."

It helped me let go of my need to make sure my kids were constantly in what I deemed the "right" situations.

You've met those parents. The ones that do anything to make sure their child has the edge over other kids in sports, organizations, any type of activity. I recently read an article one mom wrote about kindergarden, saying she won't start her child until they are 6, turning 7. I mean, what about the rest of the classmates who are 5? What are we doing to those children? And listen I think there are definitely situations when younger kids should be held back, after all, I did grow up in Texas where it is commonplace to hold kids back who have end-of-May birthdays. So let me be clear: this not about my opinion on kindergarden, this is about the growing movement of parents to shield our kids from uncomfortable and challenging situations. It's the constant need to keep our children one step ahead (of what, I'm not quite sure).

Our children will face adversity, and people will be better than them physically, academically and socially. THEIR WHOLE LIVES. No matter what we do as parents, there will be tough times for our kids. I know, I don't like it either, but I do not subscribe to the mindset of trying to do all I can to avoid little Sam from ever getting his feelings hurt or not making the team.

That's the reality of the journey folks and it's a tough one. Haven't we heard, "Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it?" We are forgetting to teach this to our children.

Here's what I believe I CAN control: making sure my children have the means to deal with rejection. To laugh it off, to learn from it, to use it as fuel to drive them further towards learning where they excel. I can teach them that most of the time, nothing is really that big of a deal. There is always a solution, a Plan B, and a silver lining.

See these two?

They will do many things well. In fact they will do great things. But, they will be challenged, they will fail, and my proudest mommy moment will be when they realize that it is all OK.

7 Things I'd Tell My College-Aged Self

Happy Wednesday friends!

My Wednesday posts are few and far between lately, and if you follow those I do apologize. I blame the children. Who make me tired. I digress.

It's been funny lately, I feel like I've either ran into young women who remind me of what it was like to be an insecure 19-year old or I am just hyper-aware of them.

While at lunch this week I overheard a couple (hungover) college girls chatting about the night before; let's just say they were dehydrated from a crazy MONDAY night out. It was all boys, booze, boys, boys, booze. Listen, I get it, heck I lived it, but we all know that is a crazy road that leads to nowhere.

As I was sitting there, waiting for my friend to join me, feeding Baby B a bottle while picking out the chunks of banana in my hair, I found myself kind-of judging them; I mean, y'all, who goes out late on a school night? But mostly I felt sorry for them. 

It reminded me how little you know about yourself at this age. 

Young girls tend to look for affirmation in all sorts of wrong places, and adventures are gauged by the number of friends (and boyfriends) they have, or nowadays how many Facebook likes a picture gets. I mean how lucky was I to experience NO social media throughout any point of schooling? It's a self-esteem game changer. 

It got me thinking about what I wish my 18-22-year old self would have known.

1. Get to know you and learn to love yourself. You're young and this may seem tricky. But a good place to start is with your feelings, because in a brand new place all by yourself you will have a lot. Listen to what you are feeling, and work your butt off to understand WHY you are feeling that way. This can help you understand your insecurities so that other people can't use them against you. Be gentle with yourself, but always hold YOU to the highest standard. Don't let other outside influences determine your self-worth.

2. Find what you love. Spend time searching for what makes you tick. What brings you joy. If there's a certain class your drawn too, sign up for another similar one. And once you find that part of schooling that brings you joy, work your butt off to pursue that professionally.

3. Build your village and put them first, not boys and booze.  You will learn as much from your college girlfriends as you will from your classes. Building new friendships and being a good friend to others is a critical part of happiness. 

4. Assume the best in people. You hold yourself to high standard and others around you as well. But cut people some slack and work to have your first reaction be to assume people have good intentions. The other way creates bitterness and sometimes paranoia. Remember that your personal perspective is not always the right one. Give others the benefit of the doubt.

5. Don't take anything personal. ANYTHING. We women tend to do this anyways, but add on college insecurities and breakups and failing grades, and you get it, times can be tough. Just don't take it personal and refer to point number 1.

6. If you haven't got the message yet, work on you. You won't find the dream job, the dream man, or live out your dreams until you know, YOU. Knowing who we are and focusing on building up our character is the only way we can move forward and find success. Take part in activities that interest YOU, pursue YOUR interests, nourish YOUR friendships. Try to be the right person, and you will find the rest of the things you want in life will naturally fall into place.

7. Don't go out on a school night. Lauren, don't go out late on a Monday. Trust me.

Keeping it real: the day my son put it all in perspective.

As a stay-at-home-mom, a working mom, as a MOM, it's all about the little victories. The little wins throughout the day. The moments you think to yourself, "Man, I really have this mom thing down!"

Some days I feel extra ambitious and make big plans. For example, I'm all "I'm gonna bathe both boys before the husband gets home." And when that happens, boom! That's a win. Or I tell myself, "Today I will take a shower, wash my hair, AND put on make-up." Boom! Winning again.

Last night was one of those days I was really going for it. But as I so often do my friends, I quickly succumbed to the fact that the day had other plans for me. As I was trying to get dinner prepped and the house clean before my husband got home, it got eerily quiet outside where my son was playing. Weird. I should probably look into that, I thought. Meanwhile back in the kitchen, the risotto was burning and the baby was in a mood. You know the kind; the 'can't be set down or I will scream my head off' kind-of mood. 

Again, weird. And sort-of inconvenient because I do every now and then try to trick my husband into thinking I have it all together. So I scoop up The Baby and head outside. Oh no. I see my son has his pants down in the backyard. "Honey, why are your pants down? Do you need to go potty?" I ask, nervously looking around to my neighbors yards. THANK YOU ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, no one is outside. "No mom! See, look there, I already went!" 

I can't help but laugh. I laugh because this is my normal; this is my every day and all day. And it is hilarious, friends! And as I'm laughing (and pouring a generous glass of wine, I mean, it is close enough to 5, okay?!), I realize my son has once again put my grand plans in perspective.

THIS is what it's all about. 

Less planning, less perfection, more laughter, more presence. 
Make-up and hair done, and kiddos bathed by five? That's all okay. But the laughs and not taking the day's hiccups too seriously, so I can actually ENJOY these little pant-less people? That's what it's all about. The days, they are long, oh can they be long. But the years, are most definitely short.

Don't let this picture fool you, I only have makeup and hair done because I had help from a very large family with lots of arms.

And one day I will miss that little boy who used to pull his pants down out back and in public parks. Or so I'm told.

*Blog name will be changing TOMORROW to: www.happyhavenblog.blogspot.com*

Let's stay friends! 

Connect at Happy Haven Blog's Facebook and Instagram pages! 

Living outside your circumstances.

You . Guys.

I have GREAT news. I'm coming out of the fog!

Well not all the way out of the fog quite yet, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is slowly lifting due to a (mostly) finished full house renovation, a 12-hour sleeping through the night babe, and also I'm just trying to be a healthier human. 

I am one of those that loves, no THRIVES, NO! Does NOT FUNCTION well when my home-base, routine, day-to-day, well you get it, when all of that is not in order. I am a creature of habit, a home-body, the type of person that orders the same thing at the same restaurant, ev-ery time.

And since Baby B was born we just haven't had a normal. For example, earlier this year I fed him lunch in his johnny-jumper IN the master bedroom (because our kitchen was demolished); and the whole time I was thinking, well at least he's eating! Can I get an Amen? 

One trait I am constantly in awe of in others is the ability to be content no matter the circumstances. I'll admit, it has often been a struggle over the last 8-months. What a sense of stability it must be to be able to remain above whatever is going on in your world.  Now as the see-saw is slowly returning back to the center and I feel like I'm catching my breath once again, I'm realizing what a waste of time it is to let a situation or circumstance drain me so much personally. Life goes on folks, and if you don't find the positive perspective in the negative moments than the situation wins. And you lose. And NO ONE likes a loser, okay?

So, okay. I'm probably going to keep ordering the Pad Thai at the local Thai place because it tastes really good and I always regret when I change my order. BUT, I'm going to take a step back when I find myself allowing the situation to control my emotions. And I'm going to work really hard to choose to be joyful in the crazy. 

How do you balance the chaos?

To inner peace, y'all.

Shine a Light.

Have you ever heard of Need to Breathe? I really love this band, and one of my favorite lyrics from their song "Washed by the Water" is:

"Just trying to make the world a little better, 

you know, shine a light."

I think this is such a simple, powerful thought. Isn't that what we're all trying to do? Create a happy space for our kids and families, our neighborhoods and community, and (hopefully) far past our immediate worlds.  

This week a certain tragedy has just rattled me. Forced me to think about life in the bigger picture. Or rather, how fragile life is and how temporary we are. I struggle sometimes with why things happen - I'm sure we all do. It got me thinking about how we're remembered. What impact did we make while we were here? 

"Surrender to what is.
Let go of what was.

Have faith in what will be." 

-Sonia Ricotti

As a relatively new mom I'm always concerned about the impact my children will make on the world and I think a lot about how I can raise up good people. Well, hello miss, what about you? Of course there are small things I can do, like let things go quicker with my husband, always try to come from a non-judgmental and open place with friends and family, and make sure I'm nurturing myself and coming from a centered place. But then there's larger impacts I can make, like on my community through time, donations and so forth.

Things we can do to help lighten the load for another, and in return lessening the burden we carry ourselves. 

In the end, none of us know the days we have left here in this world. And this week I got a good kick in the butt when it comes to perspective. I don't want to be remembered as someone who didn't give back to the world all the blessings I was given. I don't want to waste this life I was given.

So my friends, love hard, forgive easily, leave little unsaid. Shine a light.

Temper-testers.

Happy Wednesday, y'all! How's the week been?

We have been spoiled, and I mean big time here in Denver, warm, gorgeous days - it makes me so excited for the months to come. But let's talk temper's for a second, because lately I've been losing mine with my toddler. 

Full confession here, I have a temper. I DO, and I'm not proud of it. Lately Cooper has been, shall we say, testing it, and I find myself being less and less proud of some of my daily moments. The last thing I want to do, THE LAST THING, is create shame in my child, or worse! Pass on my temper to him. A couple quotes on this stood out for me as I was thinking about how I can be intentional on this issue.

Not to worry, readers, as far as I know I have very happy little boys who don't notice any of mommy's insecurities.

But alas, I do believe that we should always know the areas in our lives that we need to work on, especially when it comes to relationships and our families.

So, this is just a reminder to myself to work on funneling frustrations with the typical three year old's "no," "I don't want to," and (did I mention?) "no," from moments of discipline to moments of learning opportunities. Because this 3-year old of mine, he is always listening and learning and he never, not one time has disappointed me. 

As his mama I want to build him up and teach him to be proud of his actions. And I'd guess that most of these teaching moments come in times of, well let's call them outbursts. Moments of mommy-frustrations that can turn into moments of mommy-lessons.

I want him to be a little boy that grows into a man with integrity.

And as always, I need to give (and receive) more grace.

So here's to a new week of toddler-testers, and less tempers.

You're going to miss this.

Do you remember when folks used to talk about terrible twos?

I don't even know what that really means, but I can tell you the {almost} three's are special. 

Here's a slice for you:

"Mommy mommy mommy, excuse me, excuse me excuse me excuse me excu-"

"Honey, you just say 'mommy, excuse me', one time, and then wait for me to answer."

"Mommy excuse me one time, mommy excuse me one time, mommy excu-"

You see where I'm going here. 

And then there was the other day at the park when I asked him to come here and he stomped his feet and screamed, while multiple feet away, "NOOOOOOOOO!" so loud that I had to apologize to the other moms at the park. Who laughed with me. 

But he did come.

There are those type of moments, those days, but they are countered by moments so rich with joy that you {momentarily} forget about them. Tonight when I was getting ready for bed I did a double-take in my closet.

There out of place was a 3T button down. I'd seen him frantically run from his room with it, but figured I'd eventually find it in the toilet, oven or fridge. But he had hung it up neatly right in front with all of my clothes. I sighed and quickly forgot all the missteps of the day.

It was like my little reminder that though the days can be long to me, these days- this closet- are his entire little world. Eventually he won't want to be AS involved in my corner of the house, so until then, I intend to slow down and smell the laundry.

"You're going to miss this, you're going to want this back.
You're going to wish these days, hadn't gone by so fast." 
-Trace Adkins

Wisdom Wednesday: Parenting Seasons.

I love having two boys.

I have always wanted two, right in a row, and I don't know if that was God's way of gently giving me a heart for what was to come or random, but when I got two my dreams came true.

I love the dynamic between the two of them, the similarities and differences, and I am so looking forward to the time in their lives when they become buddies. True friends and supporters (and competitors, because let's be real, they're still boys)!

I think a lot about what I will mean to them down the road.  In twenty years, forty years. What role will I play in their life then?

The relationship daughters have with their parents is awesome. An eventual friendship, based on trust, and built on decades of unconditional love from two people. It's a gift from our parents really, to have given us a sense of security that we can now give to our children.

What kind of relationship do boys have with their parents as adults?  

What will I one day mean to Ben and Cooper?

Because now my boys adore mom. I am their world.
And as they grow their world becomes more split between their dad and me, but for now? It's mom. That's the season we are in. They will likely never remember this season of complete love and dependence, but for me it is daily ingrained in my memories and is now a big part of who I am.

Soon these boys of mine will grow older and we will enter new seasons.

I hope to soon enter one where we teach them confidence, strength and kindness -

than one that teaches self-sustenance, commitment and grit -

and eventually these boys will take all of these seasons we've shared and go out into the world and use them to become men.

They'll never know the role they played in my life. 

I'll tell them, probably too much, but, they will never really understand. They will get it a little when they become fathers, but never truly get it.

Recently I stumbled across this blog post 9 Truths Moms of Boys Need to Know. And all the sudden I was reminded of my greater purpose in their lives. Here's an excerpt:

"Raising good men is a wonderful and honorable thing. 
Men who are gentle, kind and nurturing. 
Men who treat women and children well. 
Men who will make loving, devoted husbands. 
This is an overwhelming responsibility but you are up to the task. 
You've been given this amazing opportunity. 
Enjoy it. Own it. And reap the rewards." 
-Abby Rodman

Many blessings friends, from my Santa babes...

Coop's face? To me it screams, "I'm on to you Santa!"

Wisdom Wednesday: Living Intentionally.

Lately I've been thinking about life.  Sounds deep, right?

Okay so not so much about life, but how I want to live my life.
As a mom, as a wife, as ME.

Something about having young kids can be so...mundane.

I didn't say it wasn't cute though. I mean look at that head size, right?

Not in a bad way, but in a necessary way. It's easy to forget what kind of person you want to be; how you want to be known by those who know you.

What's your life's jam, ya know?!?

But like I always taught professionally, you have to be know where you want to go so you can create your road to get there. The ole, set a goal than create your plan, diddy.

I don't want to be the gal whose world becomes her children.  I don't want to lose myself in the next 18-years of child-rearing and then wake up one morning and forget what I like to do with my days. But what do I want for my life in the meantime?

Check this bloggity-blog out:
The Helpful Guide to Living an Intentional Life

In the quest to live with purpose and towards life's important goals (and not washing my hair more than three times a week) I'm going to take his challenge and work on this for a bit:

Examine yourself. Know who you are. Get a strong handle on your passions, talents, abilities, and weaknesses. Give precious time and energy to this endeavor. It is one of the most valuable things you can do.

Welp, here's to finding my jam, y'all. And to hoping your road is paved with intention.

Wisdom Wednesday: Lessons from my parrot.

Today Cooper is two-and-a-half.

Say wha?

Me and Coop get each other, we always have. Since he was a baby I swear to you he could understand what I was thinking. Nowadays however, he just repeats what I say. Scratch that, EVERY-THING we say.

About two-months ago his language exploded. He's still not great on verbalizing words correctly all the time, but boy, does he verbalize. 

It's funny to hear what you say repeated back to you. It makes you hyper-aware of how you talk and what you are saying; because as soon as your words are out that little brain is processing before you even realize what you said.

And then there's how I, as a Coop and Ben's mom, act. How I respond to stressful situations, how I communicate with them and others, how I behave ALL THE TIME. I mean, how much pressure is that? I have my moments, y'all.

I've realized first-hand the impact my words and actions have on my child.

The whole "do what I say not what I do" thing won't fly either, because kids are much smarter than that. It's that time in parenting that you want to be the very best version of yourself, because of your child. You want to model behavior for your kids that are the character blocks of who you want them to become. And my friends, it's impossible to build with blocks you don't have. The whole "fake it 'til you make it" thing (love that saying by the way, got me through a lot of things in my professional life) doesn't fly when you are raising PEOPLE. 

You have to take a good look at yourself and make improvements when you see something you don't like (judge less, listen more, choose to look at the positive side of things) those are some of mine, to name a few.

Alas, reason #4012394 I love being a mom.

It truly does force you to improve yourself, and all because you love another person so darn much. 

Wisdom Wednesday: A quick reminder.

Wednesday is quickly coming to a close, but seeing as I just made a cup of coffee, you see how my frame of time is lately. Alas, I saw something last night I really wanted to share today on the blog. A little, note-to-self, if you will.
For those of you who don't know, I'm on Twitter. I don't use it effectively at ALL, and honestly I average about a tweet a month. I originally joined Twitter to follow people, get news alerts and guiltily see what all my favorite Bravo stars are up to (which by the way is a whole lotta CRAZY)! But I also follow positive, uplifting folks, and I saw this come across my feed late last night...

 

Joel OsteenVerified account@JoelOsteen

God doesn’t waste anything we go through. He knows how to bring something good out of every situation.

If there's one thing I learn as I grow older, bad things just happen.  To good people, to friends, to me, to you. So is LIFE and we're not promised an easy road. You may think everything happens for a reason, and me, I'm not so sure all the time. But I do know that our Almighty God works everything towards a greater good for those who love Him; including our hardships and struggles, or things we just can't find sense in that happen to us or those we love. 

I've tried lately to work on accepting things that don't go my way and to realize that though I don't always see it at the time, there is great good to come. 
After all, we are all a work-in-progress.

Wisdom Wednesday: Strength.

Hey y'all! 

Still pregnant over here, but in lieu of the whole "about-to-have-a-baby-at-any-moment" sitch - I've really been drawn to words of strength lately. I thought I'd share a few here on the bloggy-blog in case you need to hear them as well.

About holding strong against worry:

 Against thoughts:

 And reminding myself of an important truth:

Amen to that! 

Sincerely, The Self-Proclaimed Quote Lady

Wisdom Wednesday: Un-planning.

When I was in college I for sure thought that I would be engaged by graduation. 

True story.

Mind you, this was even when I wasn't dating someone, which was a little presumptuous of me, but heck, that's just what I thought people did after college.

I always figured that I would definitely, absolutely, for SURE, have met my future husband by May 2004. At the ripe old age of 22.

Also, I always thought I would absolutely, always and forever live in Texas and raise my little Texas babies in the great state of...Texas! I mean, of this last point I was for SURE. I'm still kind-of shocked my husband isn't like, a cowboy, or something. I also cried when I got pregnant, devastated that I would have a baby not born a...Texan. What are people like that like, anyways?

Well {SPOILER ALERT} none of these things happened. 

I wasn't engaged by college-end, I don't live in Texas, and my husband is most definitely not a cowboy. Somehow, someway my life fell onto a totally different path.

Do you ever look back and laugh? 

First of all, how funny of me to have even thought I was in control of my future plans! And secondly, who would want to be anyways? 

I'm constantly amazed at the impact of the biggest decisions I've made on my life. Because they were the ones that took me way off the path I just KNEW my life would go. But they were always the most clear, no-doubt-in-my-mind kind of decisions. Always very easy to make, even though I was surprised I was making them.

Out-of-state college in Missouri? Where was Missouri anyways? 

But I just knew it was where I should be.

Accepting that job in New York City? Who would ever want to live in a city that large, busy and intimidating? I mean, New Yorkers can be scary!

But yet, I couldn't pass it by. 

(And by the way, New Yorkers are some of the nicest people in the world).   

Each one of these opportunities I would have never dreamed would come my way, let alone that I would take them. And yet, each of those moments have always led me to the most surprisingly sweet spots in my life. When I knew I was right where God intended me to be.

Don't get me wrong, I still try to plan ev-er-y thing. All the time.

But I try to remind myself that what lies in the unplanned are where life's sweetest gifts are at; and there also, God's will for our lives.

So here's to NOT planning all the time!

Wisdom Wednesday: My Mental Health Weekend.

Happy Wednesday folks!

Did that fly by for anyone?

If you follow me on Instagram you know that the hubs and I got outta dodge this weekend sans the short guy for a little R&R before Number Two makes his arrival.

We ventured down to Colorado Springs' The Broadmoor for a couple nights; or The Hotel as the locals call it. And let me tell you, if there's anything I took away from that weekend it's the importance of mental health moments! Yes we had a weekend, but even if it's an hour to get a pedicure or take a yoga class, something about time alone and out of your normal environment is so therapeutic.

The hubs and I drove just 45-minutes straight south of our home, but it felt like miles away. The hotel is spectacular, you feel like you're in your own little town.

We went to dinners alone and had no agenda all weekend.

It was divine.

I got a little bump groping by the housekeeping one morning, which by the way, never bothers me. If you want to touch this lump of love, go right ahead!

We also got a lot of "how much longer do you have until baby comes?" questions. To which, I always respond not four weeks, not a month but "Oh just a few weeks left!"

35-Weeks.

Because how much better does that sound?  Like, barely NO time at all folks, thanks for asking!

After taking some time to ourselves, I think Jeff and I are starting to realize there will soon be a newborn at our house. It's amazing how it's just kind-of 'life as usual' until you slow down and think about the monumental CHANGE that is about to happen. 

Like the fact that we will, in a few weeks, have two sons. 

Two precious little boys - we just can't wait!

I feel so honored to have been blessed with the task of raising two boys, and really hope we can nurture them into two good men by the time we're done with them. 

The kind that never ever abandon their mothers and who always open the door for women and elderly. You know, the southern hospitality kind-of men.

So, Number Two: I can't wait to be your mommy - to meet you and hold you for the very first time.

And, kid, if you're listening, be good to me when you decide to arrive.
Until then, I plan on stealing little mental health moments each and every day.