One piece of advice for the new mom.

I've been a mom 3-years and 4-months now, and I can tell you, I have changed.

Old me was a resource-hound. Any little thing I deemed a problem with my child (sleep, eat, illness, behavioral) you name it, I was online and finding the solution. I spent way too much time and energy stressing about, well, what exactly? I wasn't worrying about problems per say, more like looking for problems. This ushered in by the "comparison game": why is her baby sleeping at 6-weeks, and mine 6-months? Why isn't breastfeeding working for me? Why is my son falling back on the growth chart?

And now, here I am almost 11-months into baby number two (GASP) and a TOTALLY different, MUCH happier mama. For all who were wondering, it turns out baby's just sleep through the night at different ages, because, you know, they're different people, nursing isn't a breeze for everyone, and well, we just make short babies. Now I don't just know, but I understand that every child is different. If I could go back and give new-mom-me a piece of advice, it would be: put the book down, and don't worry so much.

My mom-mantra is grace and my mom-motto hangs on these three beliefs:

• First, 'this too shall pass.' Seriously! Your child WILL sleep through the night, AND eventually be potty trained. I promise.
• Second, we find our mom-joy in the little moments with our kids - and THIS sustains us through challenging times. Little voices saying "I love you mommy," happy smiles and coos. Small, easily missed moments are our life-line.
• And finally, any type of parenting revolves around a whole lot of trial and error. Baby not napping well at 9am? Put her down earlier and see if that works. And by the time you figure it out, guess what, she'll change her schedule once again because, haha! So is life with a baby.

I can't be sure, but I believe my second has greatly benefited from my laid-back shift in parenting. Nothing is ever a big deal or a problem to be solved, it is simply a baby being a baby.

So, to you new mamas, as a recovering by-the-book-mom, heed my advice and soak in the imperfect moments. Know your child is perfectly made and you are doing a great job. Simplify parenting; follow your intuition and the lead of your baby. Don't be a slave to books or the comparison game. You will be less stressed, your child will be less stressed, and your family will be much happier.

Am I a mom-hole? Raising up tough-minded kids.

I am so curious your thoughts on this post; mainly, if you think I'm an asshole after reading it.

I heard a quote once that literally changed my perspective on fear and parenting. More specifically, the fear of the obstacles my children will face, the fear of poor decision-making which could somehow lead my kids down the wrong path in life. What can I do to set them up for the greatest opportunity to succeed? I asked myself.  Put them in the right schools? What is the "right" school anyway? How can I make sure every single friend of their's is a good influence? I mean it's exhausting. And OBVIOUSLY, I can really control none of these things.

Then I heard this:

"You can't prepare the journey for the child, you must prepare the child for the journey."

It helped me let go of my need to make sure my kids were constantly in what I deemed the "right" situations.

You've met those parents. The ones that do anything to make sure their child has the edge over other kids in sports, organizations, any type of activity. I recently read an article one mom wrote about kindergarden, saying she won't start her child until they are 6, turning 7. I mean, what about the rest of the classmates who are 5? What are we doing to those children? And listen I think there are definitely situations when younger kids should be held back, after all, I did grow up in Texas where it is commonplace to hold kids back who have end-of-May birthdays. So let me be clear: this not about my opinion on kindergarden, this is about the growing movement of parents to shield our kids from uncomfortable and challenging situations. It's the constant need to keep our children one step ahead (of what, I'm not quite sure).

Our children will face adversity, and people will be better than them physically, academically and socially. THEIR WHOLE LIVES. No matter what we do as parents, there will be tough times for our kids. I know, I don't like it either, but I do not subscribe to the mindset of trying to do all I can to avoid little Sam from ever getting his feelings hurt or not making the team.

That's the reality of the journey folks and it's a tough one. Haven't we heard, "Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it?" We are forgetting to teach this to our children.

Here's what I believe I CAN control: making sure my children have the means to deal with rejection. To laugh it off, to learn from it, to use it as fuel to drive them further towards learning where they excel. I can teach them that most of the time, nothing is really that big of a deal. There is always a solution, a Plan B, and a silver lining.

See these two?

They will do many things well. In fact they will do great things. But, they will be challenged, they will fail, and my proudest mommy moment will be when they realize that it is all OK.

7 Things I'd Tell My College-Aged Self

Happy Wednesday friends!

My Wednesday posts are few and far between lately, and if you follow those I do apologize. I blame the children. Who make me tired. I digress.

It's been funny lately, I feel like I've either ran into young women who remind me of what it was like to be an insecure 19-year old or I am just hyper-aware of them.

While at lunch this week I overheard a couple (hungover) college girls chatting about the night before; let's just say they were dehydrated from a crazy MONDAY night out. It was all boys, booze, boys, boys, booze. Listen, I get it, heck I lived it, but we all know that is a crazy road that leads to nowhere.

As I was sitting there, waiting for my friend to join me, feeding Baby B a bottle while picking out the chunks of banana in my hair, I found myself kind-of judging them; I mean, y'all, who goes out late on a school night? But mostly I felt sorry for them. 

It reminded me how little you know about yourself at this age. 

Young girls tend to look for affirmation in all sorts of wrong places, and adventures are gauged by the number of friends (and boyfriends) they have, or nowadays how many Facebook likes a picture gets. I mean how lucky was I to experience NO social media throughout any point of schooling? It's a self-esteem game changer. 

It got me thinking about what I wish my 18-22-year old self would have known.

1. Get to know you and learn to love yourself. You're young and this may seem tricky. But a good place to start is with your feelings, because in a brand new place all by yourself you will have a lot. Listen to what you are feeling, and work your butt off to understand WHY you are feeling that way. This can help you understand your insecurities so that other people can't use them against you. Be gentle with yourself, but always hold YOU to the highest standard. Don't let other outside influences determine your self-worth.

2. Find what you love. Spend time searching for what makes you tick. What brings you joy. If there's a certain class your drawn too, sign up for another similar one. And once you find that part of schooling that brings you joy, work your butt off to pursue that professionally.

3. Build your village and put them first, not boys and booze.  You will learn as much from your college girlfriends as you will from your classes. Building new friendships and being a good friend to others is a critical part of happiness. 

4. Assume the best in people. You hold yourself to high standard and others around you as well. But cut people some slack and work to have your first reaction be to assume people have good intentions. The other way creates bitterness and sometimes paranoia. Remember that your personal perspective is not always the right one. Give others the benefit of the doubt.

5. Don't take anything personal. ANYTHING. We women tend to do this anyways, but add on college insecurities and breakups and failing grades, and you get it, times can be tough. Just don't take it personal and refer to point number 1.

6. If you haven't got the message yet, work on you. You won't find the dream job, the dream man, or live out your dreams until you know, YOU. Knowing who we are and focusing on building up our character is the only way we can move forward and find success. Take part in activities that interest YOU, pursue YOUR interests, nourish YOUR friendships. Try to be the right person, and you will find the rest of the things you want in life will naturally fall into place.

7. Don't go out on a school night. Lauren, don't go out late on a Monday. Trust me.

Words this Wednesday: To Better Days.

Winter continues on here in the Rockies, and I'm not sure about you but we are starting to go a little stir-crazy. There's only so much in the ways of indoor entertainment with two young (busy) boys.

So just a warning, I went a little heavy today.

"What separates us from the animals, what separates us from the chaos, is our ability to mourn people we've never met." -David Levithan on 9/11

Lately, often, I find myself heartsick, physically sick over what is happening overseas. It's hard to just breeze over it when sharing thoughts on life here.

I am sick over the terror happening to innocent people, scared about raising my boys in a world where this can happen, and anxious to make a difference in preserving the freedoms and safety we enjoy here today. You see a theme here? Fear.

It's a challenge to maintain that peace of mind when there is just such darkness. I will try to make a difference in my little world, and look for opportunities to make a bigger impact. To spread light. But in the meantime oh man am I praying for those suffering, and for justice for those losing their lives to such evil. 

To good people, answered prayers and hope of better days.